Posts Tagged With: transformation

Samhain Eve 

Tonight the veils are thin. The dead, our ancestors, return home.  
Samhain Eve is my favorite night of the year.  It’s a pretty quiet one for me, but I find solitude to be the best way to spend this most sacred night. 

Quiet reflection on the year that has been, a very transformative one for me, this has been a year of growth and change.  A year of letting go and embracing the unknown. 
I sit quietly by candlelight and scry into my crystal ball.  I draw tarot spreads of reflection, studying the lessons that have been learnt. This year there have been many. 

I sit quietly among the spirits of my ancestors and listen for their words of wisdom.  I welcome the embrace of the Dark Mother and the lessons she has for me on this night. Having immersed myself in the cauldron of rebirth throughout this year, I feel ever closer to her.  

Blessed Samhain ūüéÉ

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Categories: The Sabbats | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

At The Feet Of The Dark Goddess

I have always been drawn to the Dark Goddess.
It is she who called to me, and in her arms is where I feel most at home.
Only lately, have I been really pondering why this is.

In my experience, many Witches are attracted to Her darkness.
Unlike the monotheistic religions, it is not the light we seek, but the comforting embrace of the Dark Mother.
It is darkness we find within ourselves, within our souls.
Darkness as peace, calm, rest and rebirth.

The Dark Goddess is rarely kind though.
Her ways are cruel and brutal to us.
She is Ereshkigal, hanging us upon her meathook, a rotting corpse in the shadowy realm of The Underworld.
She is indiffernet to our pleas, our cries, our screams.
She cares nothing for our suffering.
She cares not because she doesn’t feel for us, empathise with our suffering.
Indeed, she suffers her self, as she labors and gives birth, while Inanna hangs on that hook.
She cares not, because she knows suffering is the flame within which we are transformed, the coals upon which we are forged.
As Inanna is told repeatedly, as she makes her harsh and lonely descent to The Underworld,
‘The ways of The Underworld are perfect.’

Having been afflicted with chronic pain for the last seven years of my life, I have become well aquainted with the merciless face of the Dark Mother.
As the seasons turn to Autumn, and the temperatures drop, does my pain begin to flare up again.
At its worst, I suffer, tormented, lost in a world that is filled with hurt.
I cannot face the world, the noise of daily life, it overwhelems me completely.
My brain, my thoughts, just seem to short out, unable to compete with that constant hot pain that washes over my entire being.

During the early days, I was filled with raging anger.
I railed at the injustice of it, my life seemingly having come to a complete halt.
I could no longer work, I could no longer enjoy the things I previously had.
My world was constant pain, tempered only by the relief and dissociation of opiates.
I lost myself in this dream world for several years.

During the last few years, as my experience and wisdom of the Dark Goddess grew, I came to an understanding, a truce, with my pain.
When I first come across the story of Inanna and her descent to The underworld, I understood completely.
Inanna too, shed all that she was before, all that she loved was taken from her, one by one.
I understand the desperation and desolation of that loss all to well.
I know the shadows and dark caverns of The Underworld that she sort, and found.
I know what it is to come face to face with Ereshkigal, to hear her scream pierce through your very soul, to crumble before her in defeat.
I know what it is to be hung upon that meathook, rotting and putrescent, a corpse that has left light and life behind.
I know what it is to lay before the feet of Ereshkigal, to just give up, to welcome the shadowy peace of The Underworld into my soul.
Until I embraced the Dark Mother myself, this was all I knew.
Darkness, desperation, isolation and defeat.

But for Inanna, as for myself, even in that hopeless corporeal state, it was she that saved herself.
She had left her attendant to stand guard at the first gate, someone to raise the alarm in the event that she not return.
Inanna had left this tiny part of herself outside of her suffering and despair.
That tiny little piece of her soul that wanted to live, wanted to experience the light on her skin once more, was what saved Inanna from rotting away in The Underworld eternally.
I came to understand that there is hope, another chance to live, to emerge from the Underworld even stronger, brighter than when I descended.
Like Inanna, I too made my way back up toward the light, my own little spark of guardian calling to me.
I decided I wanted to live, to experience life again.
Emerging from the darkness of The Underworld, I realised that I too, had become someone other than who I was.
Old habits had been shed, old me had been shed.
Like a snake emerging from hibernation, I shed my skin and basked in the light.
But like Inanna, I too had been joined with that dark side of myself, we are now one.

After a glorious summer of very minor pain levels, I have again been plunged into The Underworld again.
My pain flares, and I pass by the gates, again, giving up all that I am.
The difference now, is that I no longer descend kicking and screaming.
I go down there, to Ereshkigal, to The Underworld, willingly.
I isolate myself, I lie in dark rooms, undisturbed.
I go with the pain, the dreamy wash of opiates, and welcome the embrace of the Dark Mother.

I have come to understand the value in my suffering.
I know now, that pain transforms.
That even though I may not yet understand why this has befell me, I know there is a reason.
Their is purpose in my descent, purpose in sitting at the feet of Ereshkigal the feared.
While my life, my very soul, has been irrevocably changed by chronic pain, I know now that these changes were, and are, essential.
My whole chronic pain experience has been necessary, it has brought me back to my true self, to my soul.
It has brought me to a respectful understanding of the Dark Mother and the ways of The Underworld.

Ereshkigal dragged me down into the darkness and fear of her realm, and she introduced me to the darkest parts of myself, my biggest fears.
In embracing that feared part of myself, I found my whole, my power, my purpose.
Ereshkigal grabbed a tight hold of me and she taught me her ways and her wisdom.
She has initiated me and set me upon this darkened path.
Where it leads. I do not yet know.
Yet, I hold the understanding that many do not;

The Ways Of The Underworld Are Perfect.

Categories: Life, Witchcraft | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Talisman Of Fire For Weight Loss

I created this talisman to add some magical fire power toward my weight loss goals.
It has had a spectacular effect.
I have lost a substantial amount of weight and over a period of nine months, my motivation and will to succeed has not waned.
I wear it around my neck during my daily walk, and as well as lending me the magical powers of fire, it is a tangible reminder of my goal.
Like all spells, this talisman will not work if you don’t, you still have to work hard at it, this will just help you to do that.

I don’t list invocations and incantations, I write my own and so should you. Each word in spellwork needs to come from the heart and resonate with you on a personal level. Parroting someone else’s words will not achieve the desired effect. Write your own. You don’t need to be a master writer, you just need to feel what you speak.

Element: Fire

Ingredients:

  • Pine Needles
  • Cinnamon
  • Bay Leaf
  • Carnelian Stone
  • Quartz Crystal – (this is optional. I like to add quartz to my spell bags as they amplify the magick of the talisman.)
  • Patchouli Essential Oil ¬†(Essential Oil NOT Fragrance Oil!)
  • Cedar Essential Oil
  • A Red Pouch (I can sew, so I make my own. But you can buy one if you aren’t handy with a needle and thread.)

Incense:

  • 2 pt Frankincense
  • 1pt Dragons Blood
  • 1/2 pt Copal
  • 1/2 pt Pine (resin)
  • 1/4 pt Cinnamon¬†(stick)
  • Pinch of Bay

 

  • Cast your circle in your usual way and call the Quarters.
  • Invoke your patron deities. (I called Hecate and Herne, Deities that I have a working relationship with. The Horned Gods are particularly good for this spell, the physical strength, power and drive of these very masculine beings is what you want to invoke in yourself. Hecate is associated with the element of fire and transformation. She can lend her help to the mental side of weight loss.)
  • Call now upon the Elemental beings of Fire. ( I work with Fire Drakes when I need the help of Fire. These tiny members of the dragon family get the job done and, I have found, are the safest Fire elementals to work with. Be very careful in your choice of elemental here, fire is not a force to take lightly.)
  • Cleanse your stones and bless your herbs and oils. When you feel you have removed all residual energy, hold each one in your hand and picture the results you wish to achieve.
  • When you have charged your ingredients, place them into the pouch and sew it closed.
  • Add a few drops of the Patchouli and Cedar oil onto the bag, giving them a moment to soak through.
  • Ask your Deities to bless your talisman and to aid you in infusing it with strength, success, motivation and will-power.
  • Do the same with the Fire Elemental you have invoked, asking for strength, motivation, will power and transformation.
  • Hold the talisman in the incense smoke, visualizing the powers of fire activating the magical ingredients within.
  • Visualize the successful completion of your goal; your goal weight on the scale, the measurement of your waist, fitting into that dress, feeling lean, healthy and strong.
  • Raise power and direct those feelings of success and achievement into your¬†talisman. See the talisman burning¬†with the flames of your will. it is now a symbol of your fiery will to succeed, your ambition and desire. Feel it’s light and heat in your hand.
  • When you feel the charge of your talisman, you are done. You can take some time to meditate on your goal or write down some ways that you plan to achieve¬†your goal.
  • Thank and release your deities and open your circle.

You can recharge your bag as you feel the need, either in circle with your Deities, or just by adding some fresh drops of the oil. Just don’t forget to charge your oil with your intentions first.

I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss journey.

 

Categories: Witchcraft | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Perilous Pathway To Inner Quiet

Q is for Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet is that intangible thing that took me a great many years to embrace and appreciate.
A younger me hated stillness, the silence of being by oneself.
I would go to great lengths to avoid being by myself, much prefering the noise and chatter of being surrounded by action and people.
As I grew older, nothing much changed on that front, until solitude was enforced upon me.

I have written before about my struggle with chronic pain, it was an awful time for me.
Yet, as I emerge from the other end of that hell, having gained some perspective, I can see how something so drastically transformitive needed to happen.
Previously, I had lived a life that was unsustainable.
Too many drugs, drinks and late nights were just an everyday thing for me.
I loved people, needed to be surrounded by them, even better if this was in the setting of a wild party.

Chronic pain put an end to all that.
I went from being a wild and free party girl, to a tortured, depressed, pain wracked mess.
I blamed everyone and everything.
I hated, with a vengence, what I had become.
At the worst stage, I was bedridden, in constant severe pain, and dangerously depressed.
Out of the many friends I had had, only two of them bothered to even give me a call at intervals.
I could see no way out of the mess my life had become, and I was sincerely ready to end my life, what was left of it anyway.

It wasn’t until my doctor referred me to the pain clinic, that things began to improve, though only marginally.
First thing, pain relief.
Opiates have been the only thing that have helped me to get on top of my pain, and though addiction is the trade off, this way is better for me.
I wasn’t entirely pain free, but the pain was no longer all consuming.

When one of the pain doctors tried to talk to me about managing my pain with my mind, I was really pissed off.
It wasn’t until much later that I understood.
He wasn’t suggesting that the pain wasn’t real, but that my attitude to that pain, could make all the difference to my quality of life.
I wish then that I had gave some thought as to what he was trying to say to me.
But, at that point, drugs were all that had even remotely helped me, and that was all I wanted, narcotic bliss.

Back home again, at least now I had some mobility, even if it wasn’t much.
Not being able to take care of your own basic needs is very demeaning and humiliating, so at least now I could do those things.
But now, I found that my nemesis was the deafening quiet that engulfed me.
I was alone all the time.
My Husband worked, my Daughter went to school, I sat at home, alone, all day.
My sleep patterns were a mess, so I was also sitting up for the majority of the night, as usual, alone.

It was at this time that my depression worsened, until I had a complete break down.
The constant silence drove me mad, literally.
I had nothing to focus my mind on, no hobbies, no parties, no friends, no job, I was so desperately alone and lonely.
Worst of all, I hated my own company.
I hated myself and all that I had become, which was everything I had spent my life fighting against.

This was the point I hit my bottom.
If it hadn’t have been for my husband, being so vigilant, I likely would have committed suicide at this point.
I had even convinced myself that I would be doing my family, my daughter, a favor, better that she not have to watch me wilt and waste away like I was.

Then, at the worst of all possible times, my dog, Sid, died.
I had had her for ten years, but she left me suddenly.
Left me with no companionship at all.
Her death rocked me to my core.

My daughter had then decided she wanted her own dog.
We ended up adopting a little white Staffy, who was having a hard time trying to find a fur-ever home.
He came to us, and my life was never the same again.
I love this dog, Leo, like my own flesh and blood child.
It was this dog that saved me, pulled me up and out of the black pit I was entombed in.
It is very difficult to be depressed, with those little brown eyes looking at you.
He at least got me up and outside, in the sunlight and fresh air.

From there, things improved.
Yet, quiet, peace and stillness still frightened me.
Until one day, when I found an old pack of tarot cards, that had been given to me years ago, in the back of a drawer.
I took them out and flicking through them, they kindled something in me that they hadn’t before.
I felt no particular connection to this deck, but felt the urge to find one that I did connect with.
I found the Anne Stokes Gothic Tarot.

This deck is more of an artdeck, a display of the author’s art, than a ‘proper’ deck.
Only the Major Arcana cards are illustrated.
But this was perfect for me at the time, as I became determined to learn the meanings of these cards so I could put them to use.
I have since moved on to other decks, but I keep that deck in a beautiful, ornate box.
It is still so very special to me, as it changed my life.

It was through my Tarot studies that I Iearnt the art of meditation, and this opened so many doors for me, not just physically, but spiritually as well.
Meditation helped me to quiet my mind, control the negative spiral of my thoughts.
But it also helped me to relax and to sleep, getting my sleeping habits back to more workable hours.
A good night’s sleep certainly brightens one’s perspective!

It was around this time that I had the urge to construct an altar, something I had not had for many years.
I found the perfect table and set it up in my room.
At first it was more of an elemental altar, then I added God and Goddess, but it still didn’t feel quite right.
Then, Hekate came sweeping into my life.

Hekate taught me to heal myself, to heal my mind, to remarkable result.
But she also taught me to value stillness, quiet and solitude.
Quiet is something that I am thankful for these days.
In the solitude of my days, the peace of my nights, I use this time to meditate, to read my cards, to write, to journey, to let my visions grow and take form.
I have a daily meditative practice and work my growing Shamanistic skills often.

In this quiet, that is now like an old friend, I have sought the root of my pain problems and found many ways around it.
I still have pain, but have many skills to cope with it.
Amazingly, I have even began to walk two kilometers a day.
This amazes me, every day, as I set out on my route, and I give my thanks to my Goddess as I pass by the crossroads.

In quiet and solitude, I have opened my mind, my hidden abilities, my creativity, I have begun the lifetimes work of ‘Know Thyself”.
I have learnt to accept what happened to me as a positive thing, it has changed my life for the better.
I am, for the first time in my life, genuinely happy.
I have lost many ‘friends’ and so-called ‘family, but this too, is a good thing.
I now know who my real friends are.
They may not be many, but I know they will be there through good and bad times.

Best of all, I no longer need people to be happy.
I am most content being alone.
In the quiet of my life, I have found my happiness, my purpose, my destiny, my ‘will’.

Chronic Pain is an awful thing, but in perspective I can see the purpose it has served.
If you struggle with it at present, listen to those wise doctors who try to tell you that the ‘pain is in your head’.
He is not trying to belittle you and trivialize what you are going through, he is trying to give you a key, a key that unlocks the mysteries of the mind, the soul, and the healing powers that you hold within yourself.

Categories: Life, Pagan Blog Project | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Daily Tarot

image

One of my favorite cards, Death is not associated with physical death and dying, but endings and transformation.

Change is a constant throughout life, and is usually forced, unwillingly, upon us. It is not until later, that we can see this change was for the better. All things, whether good or bad, will inevitably be taken from us. Yet if we can learn to let go, to surrender our fates to the universe, this process can become a lot less painful.

What is something that is currently present in your life that no longer serves you? A destructive relationship, harmful habit, or restricting belief? This is something you know you would be better of without, yet still refuse to let go of. Without change we stagnate, stop growing and developing. Hold onto these useless old habits for too long, and the universe will intervene and remove them for you.

Sometimes this loss can be sad and painful, or you can see it as just another necessary change of direction, making way for new growth, a new path.

Trust the universe and let go.

 

More Major Arcana?

Categories: Daily Card | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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