Posts Tagged With: illness

Daily Tarot

image

Today’s draw is from the Wizards Tarot. Five of Pentacles and The Moon.

Yesterday, I had some difficulty interpreting my daily cards, today’s cards have had my brain ticking over as well. This is not surprising, coming under the shadowy, deceptive glow of The Moon. Under the influence of this illusory path of the Major Arcana, confusion reigns, and nothing is quite as it seems.

I tend to steer away from the traditional interpretation of The Moon as madness and deceit. To me, the moon itself is comfort, serenity and magick. I find I am drawn to decks that picture The Moon as a dark Goddess, this rings true for me. But today, I feel that the illusory nature of this card is the aspect that calls out to me.

The Five of Pentacles is poverty and illness, a bit of a downer of a card. Combine this with The Moon, as illusion, an maybe things aren’t as bad as they may seem. Try and look at a bad situation with perspective, is it really all bad? Money may be tight, maybe your health isn’t to good. But do you have the love and support of your family? Friends who care deeply for you? Are always there for you? It is likely that it is hard for you to see the positives in your current situation, it could be the worry and stress that comes with illness and debt, that shifts your perspective to the negatives.

It is also possible that there is a way out of your current woes that you haven’t yet considered. Help is available, but first you have to reach out, admit you need help. Even just talking to someone impartial could lighten your load and help you to see a way out, a fresh outlook.

Don’t suffer in silence. Ask for help, your problems are not as insurmountable as they seem.

Advertisements
Categories: Daily Card | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Eight of Swords

Eight of Swords is a card I can personally relate to, I have overcome its restrictive energies.

I have posted before about my battle with chronic pain, this card is how I beat it. Well, not quite, I still have it, and still struggle with it at times. But on the whole, I now live a relatively normal life. It took me a long time to get to this point, to realize I held the key all along.

Eight of Swords - From the Witches Tarot.

Eight of Swords – From the Witches Tarot.

Chronic pain is pretty well summed up in the Eight of Swords. She is bound, blind and helpless. If she moves, she will be cut and experience terrible pain. Here she has two choices: She can stand, frozen, frightened, and remain trapped, stuck in place among the Swords. Or, she can gather her wits, unlock the powers of her mind and find a way out. Notice behind her, there is a gap in the Swords, that seemingly surround her. It might take a long time to work herself free of the ropes that bind her, but even so, it is better than being frozen in place.

The rope represents the mind. It is the way that you think about your circumstances, that decides how bad it will be for you. To remind yourself of those that are so much worse off than you is a good start. Someone, right now, is breathing their last. Little kids with terminal cancer, but still with a positive attitude and a smile on their face. Children in third world countries that are starving, but are still so happy to receive the smallest of things. There are plenty more examples. Take a look at these things, and you realize that maybe, just maybe, things really could be worse.

The blindfold represents willful blindness. She refuses to see a path out, a future for herself. Behind her is a castle, shrouded in fog. If only she can find release, the castle, no doubt, will be hers. The castle here, is all her wishes and wildest dreams for herself. But she doesn’t see this, nor the gap in the Swords. She doesn’t want to. She is too busy feeling sorry for herself and blaming others for her predicament. She could also be using drugs or drinking heavily to numb her pain, but this is only helping to distort her predicament.  We also see a lake in the background, it is calm and clear. It symbolizes the emotions, and the emotional state she needs to reach. Only then can she achieve the mental clarity she needs to be able to see her way out. When your emotions are in turmoil, everything seems so much worse than it truly is and it is impossible to think clearly and decide the way forward.

Meditation is a big step now. Focusing the mind, clearing it of all the negativity and defeatist thinking. This is what helped me gain control over my pain levels. I can now tune out, relax, and actually get some sleep. Being sleep deprived is no help at all, it all just becomes a vicious cycle.

If our heroine can achieve these things, find some faith in herself, her ability and her body, which has seemingly turned on her;  she will then find she is able to slip her bonds and walk away from the restrictions of these eight swords.

Only then can she begin her journey towards her castle.

Her castle, her healing.

Categories: Minor Arcana | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Devil

Devil

The Devil is ‘one of those cards’.

It has the potential to strike fear in the hearts of those it chooses.

Along with The Tower and Death, it is one we wish to avoid.

I can see the positive in both the Tower and Death cards, the chance for renewal, change, a new phase of life.

I have lived through them both and emerged for the better.

But, for me, the card that I am truly fearful of is The Devil.

Not the Devil himself, I am not a christian, I don’t believe in a “devil”, but the Devil of our inner most wants and desires, that all-consuming “need”.

 

For me, The Devil is addiction.

Alcoholics and addicts know The Devil all too well.

It is that screaming need inside, the constant drive for oblivion, the more, more, more that drives every addict.

I know this, because I am one.

I am a drug addict.

Prescription pills.

Hillbilly Heroin.

Oxycontin.

Oxy is my poison and my love.

I can no longer do without it, and the thought of running out makes me sick with dread.

 

You probably judge me, condemn me from your ivory tower, safe from addictive substance.

But you are only an accident, a painful illness, an injury away from being in my shoes.

I did not choose this, I really had no choice.

 

I have chronic pain, unusually, in my knee.

For most it starts in their back, but I have always had bad knees.

As a child, a simple fall could plunge me into agony.

When I tore my ligaments as a young teenager, they were never properly repaired.

My knees have been an ongoing problem and source of pain and disability throughout my whole life.

 

Several years back, I had found a job I loved.

I was one year away from being a qualified Metal fabricator.

Unusual for a woman, but I’m not your ordinary woman.

I built rock crushers, heavy fabrication.

I loved it and I was good at it.

Then the knee pain started.

I was forced to take a year off work, stuck in bed, in constant pain.

You soon find out who your friends are in times like that, and I found I had no one.

If it wasn’t for my Husband, I know I wouldn’t have gotten through that dark time.

 

It took me years to accept that I would have to live with this pain, probably for the rest of my life.

The Doctors couldn’t help me, I was passed around between departments, round and round in circles, half mad with the constant daily struggle of living with strong pain.

It wasn’t till I came to the pain clinic that I found a Doctor that knew what was happening.

This non-stop, unexplained pain had ruined my life.

The solution? Drugs. Hard drugs.

I was not naive, I knew what that meant.

But the constant driving pain, I would sell my soul to be rid of, and that is what I did.

 

I don’t take massive amounts, but it is high.

I don’t abuse it, I stick to my prescribed limits.

Of course, the temptation is always there, but I’m well aware what that leads to.

An extra pill here and there is so easy to justify, I’m in pain!

But that is a very slippery slope.

 

It could be argued that the real devil, when it comes to addiction, is tolerance.

The constant need for more.

The body will always want more.

You have to understand that this kind of addiction, opiates, is so very physical.

It annoys me when I hear people flippantly speak of addiction, they have no idea.

That merciless pull.

The monster that rears up inside you, roaring for more.

So take a bit more, it’s all good.

But that never lasts, it’s not long before you need a bit more.

And on and on this will go.

It is truly chasing your tail, chasing the dragon.

The more you take the more you need.

When it comes to pain, that is a pretty horrifying concept, that one day, it won’t work.

That the doses get so high, but do nothing to dull the pain, or the physical need.

Taking amounts of drugs that would kill normal people and still being in pain, still feeling dope sick.

 

The other side to this is that pain feeds of this stuff.

Being so physical, the body wants those drugs.

It will manufacture pain to get them.

These are the awful facts you have to live with when you take this kind of medication.

Doctors give this stuff over so flippantly.

Some get caught up in this, totally unaware of what they are in for, which would be so much worse.

They don’t tell you the awful bare facts of addiction.

That some mornings you will wake raw, cramped, weak and flayed alive.

Laying there waiting, desperately, for the opiate to soak into your cells, your blood, your bones, Sick with longing, with need.

Your body constantly metering the level of medication in your system.

It is such a desperate, awful and lonely feeling.

 

I could never face coming off these drugs.

Though my life has been significantly reduced because of them.

All of this has left me with very little trust in people.

I still have problems with the pain, which can recur at any time.

I can’t leave the house without my days worth of pills.

Anything could happen.

I have lost all trust in people, in the universe.

 

My Witches Tarot depicts The Devil as The Shadow Side, and that fits.

The monster they cower from, is themselves.

But they also cower from the flash of light, illumination in the darkness.

Of course, they don’t want to get out, don’t want to help themselves.

They are happy down there in the darkness, with their monsters lurking around them.

They will always shy away from the light.

And that is the truth of it.

Shadow SideYou can see the fear on her face, but still she cowers from the light.

I don’t think it is the reaper figure they are afraid of, they have learnt to live with him, to love him, even.

They are now afraid of the light.

Afraid of illuminating their souls, of looking too closely at themselves and the wreckage of their lives.

This is what The Devil brings to my mind whenever I see it appear in a spread.

It is the only card in the deck I genuinely fear.

I have even heard of people removing it from their decks, and I understand that.

But I’d rather have some warning, because if warnings were ever to be heeded, it would be the warnings that this card gives.

Beware.

Categories: Life, Major Arcana | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: