Another rough night last night, till I found one last pill. So that gave me a good nights sleep at least. But again, I awaken to nothing.
This morning, Day One, I actually felt good. The clonidine definitely helps. Getting into conversation with a couple of English backpackers even took my mind off things for awhile.
But by late morning I’m getting pretty damned uncomfortable.
Not sure what possessed me, but I decided to drive the 44km to the next town. Bad idea. I come way to close to going to sleep behind the wheel. These detox meds are no joke.
I did make it, fell straight into bed, but then my muscles started feeling restless, my skin started crawling. I couldn’t lie down, I couldn’t sit up, I couldn’t walk around. I lost all track of time, but it felt like an eternity in hell. I smoked some weed, not a good idea, it made it worse. It intensified everything. It took me a moment to realize I was having a panic attack. I downed some Tamazepam and picked up my tablet. Lara Croft has been my saviour. A very immersive tablet game managed to divert my attention for long enough for the Tamazepam to kick in. So at least now I have a strategy, benzos and Lara Croft!
After that passed, I felt ok. Enough so that I could move down the road to where I was going, even deal with having to charge my flat car battery. I phoned my daughter. I walked to the store and bought Powerade and chocolate bars. As I was crossing the road back to my van, sunshine in my face, I had a moment of peace come over me. A little taste of the clean life to come, one where I can enjoy the simple pleasures and take my time.
I can do this.