Posts Tagged With: dependence

Outback Detox – Day One, Take Two

Another rough night last night, till I found one last pill.  So that gave me a good nights sleep at least.  But again, I awaken to nothing.  

This morning, Day One, I actually felt good. The clonidine definitely helps. Getting into conversation with a couple of English backpackers even took my mind off things for awhile. 

But by late morning I’m getting pretty damned uncomfortable.

Not sure what possessed me, but I decided to drive the 44km to the next town. Bad idea.  I come way to close to going to sleep behind the wheel.  These detox meds are no joke. 

I did make it, fell straight into bed, but then my muscles started feeling restless, my skin started crawling. I couldn’t lie down, I couldn’t sit up, I couldn’t walk around.  I lost all track of time, but it felt like an eternity in hell. I smoked some weed, not a good idea, it made it worse. It intensified everything. It took me a moment to realize I was having a panic attack.  I downed some Tamazepam and picked up my tablet.  Lara Croft has been my saviour. A very immersive tablet game managed to divert my attention for long enough for the Tamazepam to kick in.  So at least now I have a strategy, benzos and Lara Croft! 

After that passed, I felt ok.  Enough so that I could move down the road to where I was going, even deal with having to charge my flat car battery.  I phoned my daughter. I walked to the store and bought Powerade and chocolate bars.  As I was crossing the road back to my van, sunshine in my face, I had a moment of peace come over me. A little taste of the clean life to come, one where I can enjoy the simple pleasures and take my time.  

Day 1. 

I can do this.  

Categories: Opiate Detox | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Outback Detox – Take One

I made it well into my second day, then hit a rough patch and caved immediately. I spent the day getting high, blowing through the last of my emergency stash. 

Tapering has never worked for me, I don’t have that kind of self discipline.  I start out with good intentions, but once I’ve had a little, I want more.  Then it’s back to the races. 

So now I’m in a real predicament, I’ve absolutely no dope and I’m literally in the middle of nowhere.  

This is exactly how the addict mind works; I’ll take all these now and tomorrow will work itself out.  Your mind can always find a way to justify it. Of course, I’ve only put off the inevitable once again. 

Night draws down and the dope is wearing off.  

Shit.

Here we go again…..

Categories: Opiate Detox | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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