Broken

The last few days have been a breaking point for me.  I’m just so tired of this world.  I’m tired of the hurt and the pain. I’m tired of people that no longer care about anyone but themselves. People that don’t care about anything or anyone. People that just don’t care.  I’m tired, damaged and broken. 

Today I had had enough.  I deleted my Facebook account.  That one act alone was a huge weight from my shoulders. Facebook is often my only contact with the world and this last year, it’s bought me nothing but trouble, pain and regret. It was with relief that I disabled my account today, relieving myself of the constant stress and worry that damn platform has bought me. We’re living in a world where we’re constantly connected, yet we’ve never been so disconnected from each other. 

In general, I’m done with people altogether.  I’m just not built for this world today.  A world where what is right doesn’t matter, where people no longer care for each other or the pain they bring to their fellow man.  I’m just so worn down, tired and jaded. Where I used to care a great deal, I no longer care at all. I just want to be left alone. I don’t want to be close to anyone. 

I’ve always been very active on the internet. I loved meeting new people, making new friends.  But lately, it’s just all become so shallow and meaningless.  It is shallow and meaningless. I can’t understand how the whole world has gone so horribly wrong. 

I feel broken and so damn tired. I no longer trust anyone. I’ve learnt the hard way to never let my guard down. I know all to well how people I’ve loved and cared for a great deal can just turn around and screw me over. That has happened one too many times and it’s broken something inside me.  My once big soft heart is cold and walled off now.  I don’t like getting too close to anyone.  I can’t take anymore hurt and, I know all to well, that that’s all that comes from opening your heart to another, whether that be friendship or relationship, it’s all just meaningless. Love, loyalty and kindness mean nothing anymore. These once beautiful traits are now nothing more than a liability in this world, something to be used and taken advantage of. 

I’ll never find someone to spend my life with now, I could never trust someone enough to open my heart like that again. Honestly, I don’t even think I’m capable of love anymore. I don’t have much left in me. 

I’m 36 years old and I feel so damn old and tired.  I’m not even sure where to go from here.  I think I’m just ready to retreat from the world and live out my days as a hermit. I’m just too tired and worn down to care anymore.  

I’m just so tired of this world and I’m so damn tired of living in it. 

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Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Broken

  1. Larisa Keilich Cox

    Oh Letitia, I am so sorry. It’s Sunday morning, and I just now read this. I have been wanting to reach out to you on the Messenger app, but I also know that you need time and space right now. So I will hold off a bit…however, if you would like to write to me, I am almost always around. There are still good people in the world; please don’t think that there aren’t. I would like to believe that I am a pretty decent soul and that I can be a good friend to you if you need one. My “door” is always open, so to speak. Love you, girl! xx

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